u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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