You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
