Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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