you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
