Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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