thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
