I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
