:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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