I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
