in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
