he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
