I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize