Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
