I faked an abortion last night.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
