At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
