So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
