White coat. Heels.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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