Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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