My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
