Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
