If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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