I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize