I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
