i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
