Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
