Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
