I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
