A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize