He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
