I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
