; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
