at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
