Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He has the fingertips of a God
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