I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
