Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize