how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
