He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
