Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
