She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
