The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
