I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
