I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
