His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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