so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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