He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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