NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
birth control should be required to get into college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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