I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need a shit load of segways right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
