So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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