My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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