It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize