Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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