if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
