Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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