He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize