quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
