I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
