I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
