And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
