a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
