please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
