I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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