two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize