so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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