he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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