i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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