i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
