3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
