But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
