Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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