No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
