I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't notice because vodka
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
