I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize