Swine flu. Run for my life!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
