If i come over, it means nothing
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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