Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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