I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
