did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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